Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Weight Loss Burn Out

I'm feeling a little burnt out. I'm tired of counting points. I'm tired of weighing myself everyday.  I'm tired of feeling like this journey will never end.  I'm tired of paying $30 a month for something I should be able to do on my own.  I'm tired of the pressure to get to a certain "goal" weight.  I'm tired.

Last week I missed my weigh-in because I overslept and while I could have gone to the evening meeting or to a different center with drop-in hours I decided to skip it instead.  Part of the reason I think I skipped my meeting is because I knew I wouldn't have a loss.  It's been a tough couple of weeks and while I haven't actually gone over my points I've used all of my bonus and all of my earned activity points which means that I didn't lose, in fact I gained and I'm tired of it.

The mental energy that I exert everyday to weigh myself, plan my food, count the points and track them is exhausting me.  I spend way too much time focusing on what I'm going to eat next and how many points I have left in the bank.  After a year of diligent tracking I'm just plan worn out. 

The thing is, as tired as I am thinking about it and actively trying to lose weight it's really no more exhausting than carrying those extra 26 pounds was.  When I was 26 pounds heavier I had a tough time getting up the energy to go out and run 5 miles.  I didn't have a standing running date, heck, I didn't even think of myself as a runner. So, as tiring as losing weight is I know that there is no other option.  I know that if I don't keep track and continue counting I can easily put those 26 pounds back on in the 3 months before we move to Texas.

So, even though I'm tired and even though I sometimes think "186.6 really isn't that much" I know that I will be healthier, faster, happier when I lose another 30 pounds.  I guess that sometimes it's hard to imagine doing this for another year and getting to goal weight just in time to get pregnant and gain 35-50 pounds!

I guess I just needed to get that out there and find a way to bust out of this funk and get moving again.  I know what to do and how to do it now I just need to get my head back in the game and remember that the next year is going to come and go and I can either stay the same weight, gain weight, or lose weight. 
  • I choose to lose weight.  
  • I choose to make positive changes in my life.  
  • I choose to stop making brownies and eating them when no one is looking.
  • I choose to run faster.
  • I choose to stop giving food power in my life.
  • I choose to use food as fuel and not as comfort or anti-stressor
I'm making these choices right here and right now because I don't want food to control my life.  I'm going to keep tracking and go to a meeting on Thursday and do what I know is good for me.

Life's all about choices, right?  Well, these are my choices.

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