Thursday, November 05, 2009

Okay, so every week/month a new magazine is put on the shelves at my grocery store and each has some variation of "easy tricks to lose weight this month." I'm a sucker and I always flip to the article to see if I can learn anything new. Usually, if they are at all a reputable magazine they have some variation on walk for 30 minutes a day and cut 300 calories per day and you'll lose 2 pounds per week. They then give you 7-10 ways to cut out 300 calories. Here is where I get frustrated, they say it's so easy to:

Cut out sugar-laden drinks
Drink more water
Eat soup before your meal
Eat more whole grains
Cut out salad dressing
Switch from 2% milk to nonfat
Cut the Starbuck's habit
ETC.

You get the idea, you've seen these before. Great ideas to get weight loss started. Here is my problem: I ALREADY DO ALL OF THIS!!!! That is why I get frustrated, I've been doing these things my entire life. I actually can't stand regular soda, it's too sickly sweet. I was raised on Diet Coke and remain loyal to it - I've recently cut back and switched to decaf but I refuse to give it up completely. I've been dipping my fork in the salad dressing for years, I don't really like milk so I've always bought skim anyway and now I've switched to Almond to cut another 40 calories per cup. I don't do Starbuck's unless I'm there working on my dissertation. I don't like sweet tea or juice, I don't even like cheesecake! So, reading through these lists I am constantly thinking, if this is all it takes why am I still obese?

The answer: because I love fried things and have a hard time saying no to cravings. I eat out of habit, when I'm bored, when I'm sad or stressed or lonely. I reward myself with food and dinner out and things I know are bad for me. I eat when I'm not hungry, I continue to eat even when I feel like I may throw up because my stomach is so full. That is why I am obese.

So, I recognize these tendencies and my behavior but I still struggle to control my eating. It's a daily battle as I drive home from work to not stop and grab a sundae at McD's or a double cheeseburger. I have to speak out loud to myself and sort of snap myself out of the daze that it puts me in. Yesterday I needed to go to Costco. The only thought on my mind was "great, I can eat some pizza and frozen yogurt really cheap and no one will ever know" then, I stopped at my friends house. She just had a baby a month ago and really needed to get out of the house so they went with me to Costco and my thought was "darn, I won't get my treat after all." That is horrible, I should be enjoying time with a friend and not bemoaning the fact that I won't get to binge on 16oz of frozen yogurt for $1.35! I even thought about going back after I took my groceries home but I managed to avoid it and stay within my calorie range for the day. But, it was a struggle for the rest of the afternoon even though I wasn't hungry and didn't even want frozen yogurt.

I'm sure this happens to other people and I wish there was a way to turn this thinking off and not have a screwed up relationship with food but it doesn't exist and so, I keep struggling and hopefully the little devil on my shoulder will get quieter as I get stronger and more confident in my ability to make healthy choices!